Sunday, February 25, 2018
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Daddy’s Girl: What My Father Taught Me About Love

Screenshot 2016-06-19 08.07.11

I’m a Daddy’s girl and my dad is without question a King. He is the ultimate provider and by provider I’m referring to so much more than money. As a modern Black woman, what do I want most from a man? I’m unashamed to say, I’m looking for my dad.  He provided protection, strength, decisiveness, solution, consistency. THIS is the type of love I’m looking for in my future husband.  You see, my father is my inspiration for starting Raising Kings. I’m positively convinced the world needs more men like my Dad. Here’s why.


He provided the following:


Protection. My dad owned a rifle (he’s a country boy) but that’s not why I felt protected. I felt safe because whenever someone pulled up to our house he was the one who went to the door. No one, and I mean no one gained access to our home or his family unless they first went through him. Period. They had to state their business. Male or female. He decided if they were legit. He decided and I felt super safe as a result.  He was a good judge of character and he never exposed us to harmful people. Not to mention he was there when I got home from school. Who knows what his watching eye kept away. 


Strength. My dad isn’t a large man. He’s 5’ 11 and quite thin. Most of my childhood we lived in the rural south, and living there required a great deal of physicality. I watched my dad handle an axe like a pro, chop and carry wood, cut grass, farm, paint the house, hang things, pull things, push things, move things. He would hook things up to the back of his truck, get dirty and crawl under the house, or climb a ladder and scale the roof like a boss.  I came to trust that he could get IT done whatever IT was because he was strong and fearless. He added that confident strength to our home and we were the better for it.


Decisiveness. I absolutely love this trait about my father. His yes is yes, and his no is no. He would never pass major decisions off to my mom, leaving her to bear the weight of them alone. Don’t misunderstand, he had an immense respect for her point of view and sought it out, yet he knew his role as the man of the house and filled it. If she brought things to him, he would never shrug his shoulders or abandon her in the decision. Best believe he had a perspective and he communicated it. He held a position on everything that concerned our family and he voiced it. Never wishy washy. I often looked forward to how he would judge a thing. I learned a great deal watching him lead. He gave me perspective. 


Covering. I recall once my sister got in trouble on a school trip. She called my dad and told him before anyone from the school could “out” her. She was embarrassed that she’d gotten in trouble but she trusted him to cover her and he did – much to the surprise of the chaperone. I can also recall him telling me that if my friends got into shenanigans I didn’t have to stick around and submit. I need only call him and he would come rescue me. I took him up on that a few times. You see, my dad provided me with options. He empowered me to say no to risky behavior. I guess you could say he gave me my “no.”  I knew I had an out, a savior. He would rescue me, defend me. Major, Major Key for a young lady.


Solution. My dad was never intimidated by problems. And if he was, I never witnessed that. If there was a problem, there was a solution and in time he’d solve it. Even if he had to ask his brothers or nephews for help. For example, if it was a plumbing problem and there wasn’t money to call a plumber, somehow he fixed the leak. If there was an electrical issue, eventually we had power and no one was ever electrocuted. He was majorly resourceful. Still is. He anticipated problems and made preparations ahead of time. This, I’ve found is half the battle.


Consistency. Every day, my dad got up EARLY and I do mean early. He seldom  missed a day of work and he was always on time.  I could trust that he would be where he said he was going to be when he said he was going to be there. This consistency provided my family with so much stability and peace of mind. I could depend on daddy because he was consistent. Major Key.


Faithfulness. I know people are human. I’m just proud to say the only children my dad fathered are my sister and I. He wasn’t a dog or a cheat. In fact, my parents will be married 50 years come April 7, 2017. Growing up, if some chick made a pass at my Dad, like a good boy, he would come back and tell my mom. We’d all laugh about it. Her safety as the woman of the house mattered to him. He extended that safety and that honor to my sister and I. We knew he was OURS and we didn’t have to protect ourselves from “others.” He was man enough to protect himself and us from home wreckers. Invaluable.


Presence. Continuing the faithfulness theme, there was never a night that I went to bed that both my mom and my dad were not in the next room. Granted there may be an occasional night on the couch – due to beef from the night before but he never left. Ever. His presence kept the evil away. Evil people and evil boys. A guard dog my dad was and I am forever grateful. He provided closeness. I need only call him and he’d be there. Today I’m a grown woman and he lives a few hundred miles away, yet nothing has changed. He’s still just as present. My hero.


Money.  My dad worked a full time job and did upholstery on the side. He made more money than my mom, but it was their combined income that provided for us. I decided to put this last because my father provided so much more than money for our family. His financial contribution however cannot be understated however. My dad never attended college and opportunities were limited in the south. He worked a job he didn’t always enjoy but not working was never an option. He worked hard and I admire him for that more than words can say. Additionally he wasn’t wasteful.  ALL of his money went to us. Every second Thursday he would drop it off to my mom. Faithful. Leaving an inheritance for my sister and I was ALWAYS his #1 priority.


There are so many other things my dad provided but this list is getting ridiculous. In the end what my Dad provided me most of all was LOVE.  I can’t speak for every woman.  For me – I’m looking for someone who will provide the same sense of safety and commitment as my father.  And why wouldn’t I? He’s my hero, he loves me and he’s as royal as they come.


I love you Daddy.


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